Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
