Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
