Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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