The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
