and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
