everyone is single if you try hard enough
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
