why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
