why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
