You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
