Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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