I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
