no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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