dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
