Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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