who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
