Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
