he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
