The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
