At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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