Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
