I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
