yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
