Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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