I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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