I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
