Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
