shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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