dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
