respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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