i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
