Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
