oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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