Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
