the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
