I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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