And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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