The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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