She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
