I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
