i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
