I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
