Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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