i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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