____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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