I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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