She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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