It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
