meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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