I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm passing your future prison.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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