I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
