Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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