Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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